My resume

1. My first job was working in an Orange juice factory,


but I got canned. Couldn't concentrate.
2. Then I worked in the woods as a Lumberjack,

but just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
3. After that, I tried being a Tailor,

but wasn't suited for it -- mainly because it was a sew-sew job.
4. Next, I tried working in a Muffler Factory,

but that was too exhausting.
5. Then, tried being a Chef - figured it would add a little spice to my life,

but just didn't have the thyme.
6. Next, I attempted being a Deli Worker,

but any way I sliced it... couldn't cut the mustard.
7. My best job was a Musician,

but eventually found I wasn't noteworthy.
8. I studied a long time to become a Doctor,

but didn't have any patience.
9. Next, was a job in a Shoe Factory.

Tried hard but just didn't fit in.
10. I became a Professional Fisherman,

but discovered I couldn't live on my net income.

11. Managed to get a good job working for a Pool Maintenance Company,

but the work was just too draining.
12. So then I got a job in a Workout Center,

but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
13. After many years of trying to find steady work,

I finally got a job as a Historian - until I realized there was no future in it.
14. My last job was working in Starbucks,

but had to quit because it was the same old grind.
15. SO, I TRIED RETIREMENT

AND I FOUND I'M PERFECT FOR THE JOB!